2010:
- Aced all my classes, All prereqs Done. Even statistics. OMG!
- Got accepted into Mass General Hospital Accelerated Nursing Program
- Got a full scholarship too! Holy crap i've never had a scholarship before!
Aug 2011
- Got a job as a medical assistant!
- Quickly disillusioned with the medical profession
- No Desk
- No Space to work
- Spent 50-70% of my day talking to insurance companies and filling out forms
- forms come back denied.
- Send out forms again,
- Repeat...
- Crushing paperwork workload, mostly busywork
- 3 months in i'm getting the hang of it and enjoying talking to patients everyday.
- Paperwork is just not getting done.
- getting good at urinalysis, EKG, spirometry and ear lavage.
- First encounter with my Doctor screaming at me in the hallway.
- What did I do? I didn't do an EKG before she came in for someone having coughing chest pain. I probably should have, but yelling through the hallway, not a good communication method.
- Okay, she gets one free jerk pass...
- She screams down the hallway at me again.
- this time because i did an EKG without her ordering it first.
- The guy had non-coughing chest pains.
- I have a heart to heart with my doctor...
- She apologizes, I feel burned.
- It happens a third time. This time she is waiting outside the patients door while i'm doing vitals, and telling a joke. Now my routine.
- She lays into me in the hall, with the patients door open... not good, not for me, for the patient or for her.
- I'm so stressed I puke... School was never this difficult, blood and seizing patients not this difficult.
- I'm shaken about my decision to do this. Most of the other doctors... no, all of the other doctors are great in this practice. I start asking the nurses what the best parts of their day is... I don't see happy people, i don't get happy answers.
- I didn't know it at the time, but I decided to stop right then. Stop pursing nursing.
- I'm pissed off most of the time, not happy in my life.
- I start applying to other jobs. Outside the field of nursing. I do this everyday on my lunch break.
- I got hired! (completely different industry) I put in my two weeks. Gave my doctor a bottle of wine and a thank you card.
- Say my goodbyes to all the doctors that supported me, and will truly miss some of them.
- All 'i's' are dotted and 't's' are crossed.
- Start my new job. Yay, oh shit, but yay... I have a desk... I have say, I have influence, holy crap my boss is amazing! Holy crap i really like what i do here.
- Holy crap, i'm looking forward to going to work everyday.
- My old doctor sends me hate mail to my personal email account.
- I am happy to no longer work for her!
- And shaken.. i've never received hate mail from anyone.
- I forward to my old manager...
- I also get a raise! weehoo!
- Still struggling with my decision not to do Nurse Anesthesia. I really enjoyed the learning, was really good at it, and was looking forward to working with Doctors without Borders because they had a high CRNA need.
- I hear from old classmates, they can't get a job in nursing. Newly minted BSN's can't get a job in nursing.
- I think to myself. That would have been me. Unemployed and miserable...
- get an email from my old manager, my old Doctor has been let go.
- I'm kicking ass at work.
- I am still on the fence about becoming a CRNA... I'm good at it... it's interesting, the money, the vacation.
- I talk to a friend who is a nurse. She's not happy with her choice, has major back pain from standing all day, looks bedraggled. I ask for her advice... but just by looking at her, i'm glad to have made this decision.
- Officially decline scholarship and enrollment for the accelerated BSN.
- My work pays 6k a year for school
- Enroll in my first graduate class in IT.
- Love it.
- Life is good.
- Still miss the idea of being a CRNA.
- Much happier even though making much less.
- All is good. Difficult but good.
- I'm doing things I love everyday.
- I'm going to keep pushing on.
- My dreams are taking front seat over money, and i'm feeling more alive than i have in a long time.
So i guess i owe a thanks to that jerk doctor. Without her being and incredibly awful person, i'd still be doing nursing or unemployed, and miserable. Now i'm building a happier life everyday, and proud of the work i'm doing.
A long time ago i remember reading a horoscope. You have to decide to either go after your dreams full force, or go for money full force. I didn't decide for a long time, then when the finances really began to hurt, I tried the latter. It didn't work. Now i'm going after my dreams. It's working, and I'm happier.
If you're going after a CRNA, I hope you kick some ass. Good luck, and keep pushing. Just make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.
Thanks for reading... that is all.
Thank you so much for writing this. I'm just about to register to take pre-reqs. for an accelerated BSN program with the ultimate goal of CRNA. I've been research with mixed results. Many new BSNs not finding work, and issue with ICU nurses who begrudge others coming to get working requirements for Nurse Anesthesia school. I never really liked the hospital setting, but my options seemed limited and I'm a desperate recent grad. I think I will pursue something I really want to do and make the best of it. I'll be 24 in month. I have no job and student loans over my head. I will figure it out, but after weeks of mental deliberation and talking to other nurses. I really don't think I want to do it.
ReplyDeleteI just dropped out of CRNA school due to bad experiences with preceptors and stress leading me to not function well... I did great as an ICU nurse and am going back to that. CRNA is a grew profession, but they tend to really be critical if you aren't perfect all the time, which is frustrating for someone trying to learn. They say things like "take your time, breathe deep, follow your instincts", while at the same time criticizing you for taking too long, not being on the ball or making the wrong decision/not doing it their way. I got to where I dreaded clinical. The academics of anesthesia I loved. The practice was great, but I hated some of the people I worked with so much that I felt it wasn't worth it.
ReplyDeleteNursing can be a great and rewarding job. You just need to work with the right people. I have had great managers and nurses to work with. Some docs and nurses can be jerks, you will always get different personalities. Most I would say are cool to work with. Obviously you have an IT career now, which is great. Do what makes you happy.
All I would say is no amount of money is worth being miserable and stressed out so much that it affects your happiness. For me it was too much. I quit and I am much happier.
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