106%

Yay! My first quiz and I got a 106%! Now if I could only get the rest of my classes in action.

I just ordered my books for all the self paced classes I'm taking, (Nutrition, Statistics, and Human Growth) and I'm freaking out a little bit about the amount of work that I will need to do in addition to finding a job, fixing my car, practicing music, spending time with friends and family and volunteering as a ski patroller on the weekends.

I must find a job or I can't eat or go to school, but I'm not sure what to do that I can balance with all this school.

I need to fix my car or be fined by the state of Massachusetts for a faulty EVAP system even though the car runs fine. Or sell it, but I don't have the money to sell it and get another. So that means it needs to go to the shop...

I'm playing in a music group and am practicing once a week. Not much, but when there is a full course load it seems like a lot. I need to keep doing the music to keep a balance, but I feel I need to just focus on school to do well, even though I'd rather play music. And yet I tell myself I'm doing this degree so I have more time to do music and art and whatnot, but worried that by doing the degree all of those things will fall by the wayside and I'll become a boring responsible person.

I need to socialize with friends and family. This is a huge part of what gives meaning to my life, and if school gets in the way of that, I'm not sure if I want to do it.

I would love to be a professional ski patroller... but the pay is dismal even though the work may be fun.

So I should tell myself that if i win the lotto then it will be all good... but this is always bullshit, and even if I had all that money, there still would need to be meaning.

So I'm struggling with why I'm becoming a CRNA. I haven't quite figured out what I'm telling people yet. I say it's for the money, but I know it's a lot more than that. I can't quite put my decipher what i'm feeling about it.

What I think about often is how I wish I could be an Astronomer, or a professional recording artist. But I know this is a fantasy... I just don't know what to believe.