So I seem to be ruminating on all the things that I could do with my life, things I should do with my life, what makes me happy, other jobs i could take, and on... each time I try to sit down and study for my prerequisite courses. Right now i'm avoiding statistics by writing this post.
It has been getting better as more pressure is mounting (it's 4 weeks into the semester and assignments are due) and there is less time to think of all the things I could be doing instead.
The prominent questions that keep coming up, Why nursing and not something else? Are you doing it just for the money? Why not do something you are more passionate about? Now i'm still struggling with these questions, I'm happy they are beginning to take a back seat to my studies.
Apolo Ohno was forced to decide what to do with his life, what to put all your heart and soul into, at 16 in a cabin alone for 8 days. So he decided on skating, and has become great because of it.
And although I don't know what I want to put my heart and soul into, I am working towards continually being a happier person. And going after the CRNA is part of that.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
106%
Yay! My first quiz and I got a 106%! Now if I could only get the rest of my classes in action.
I just ordered my books for all the self paced classes I'm taking, (Nutrition, Statistics, and Human Growth) and I'm freaking out a little bit about the amount of work that I will need to do in addition to finding a job, fixing my car, practicing music, spending time with friends and family and volunteering as a ski patroller on the weekends.
I must find a job or I can't eat or go to school, but I'm not sure what to do that I can balance with all this school.
I need to fix my car or be fined by the state of Massachusetts for a faulty EVAP system even though the car runs fine. Or sell it, but I don't have the money to sell it and get another. So that means it needs to go to the shop...
I'm playing in a music group and am practicing once a week. Not much, but when there is a full course load it seems like a lot. I need to keep doing the music to keep a balance, but I feel I need to just focus on school to do well, even though I'd rather play music. And yet I tell myself I'm doing this degree so I have more time to do music and art and whatnot, but worried that by doing the degree all of those things will fall by the wayside and I'll become a boring responsible person.
I need to socialize with friends and family. This is a huge part of what gives meaning to my life, and if school gets in the way of that, I'm not sure if I want to do it.
I would love to be a professional ski patroller... but the pay is dismal even though the work may be fun.
So I should tell myself that if i win the lotto then it will be all good... but this is always bullshit, and even if I had all that money, there still would need to be meaning.
So I'm struggling with why I'm becoming a CRNA. I haven't quite figured out what I'm telling people yet. I say it's for the money, but I know it's a lot more than that. I can't quite put my decipher what i'm feeling about it.
What I think about often is how I wish I could be an Astronomer, or a professional recording artist. But I know this is a fantasy... I just don't know what to believe.
I just ordered my books for all the self paced classes I'm taking, (Nutrition, Statistics, and Human Growth) and I'm freaking out a little bit about the amount of work that I will need to do in addition to finding a job, fixing my car, practicing music, spending time with friends and family and volunteering as a ski patroller on the weekends.
I must find a job or I can't eat or go to school, but I'm not sure what to do that I can balance with all this school.
I need to fix my car or be fined by the state of Massachusetts for a faulty EVAP system even though the car runs fine. Or sell it, but I don't have the money to sell it and get another. So that means it needs to go to the shop...
I'm playing in a music group and am practicing once a week. Not much, but when there is a full course load it seems like a lot. I need to keep doing the music to keep a balance, but I feel I need to just focus on school to do well, even though I'd rather play music. And yet I tell myself I'm doing this degree so I have more time to do music and art and whatnot, but worried that by doing the degree all of those things will fall by the wayside and I'll become a boring responsible person.
I need to socialize with friends and family. This is a huge part of what gives meaning to my life, and if school gets in the way of that, I'm not sure if I want to do it.
I would love to be a professional ski patroller... but the pay is dismal even though the work may be fun.
So I should tell myself that if i win the lotto then it will be all good... but this is always bullshit, and even if I had all that money, there still would need to be meaning.
So I'm struggling with why I'm becoming a CRNA. I haven't quite figured out what I'm telling people yet. I say it's for the money, but I know it's a lot more than that. I can't quite put my decipher what i'm feeling about it.
What I think about often is how I wish I could be an Astronomer, or a professional recording artist. But I know this is a fantasy... I just don't know what to believe.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)