Not Becoming a CRNA Anymore

Update:

2010:

• Aced all my classes, All prereqs Done. Even statistics. OMG!
• Got accepted into Mass General Hospital Accelerated Nursing Program
• Got a full scholarship too! Holy crap i've never had a scholarship before!

  Job:

Aug 2011

• Got a job as a medical assistant!
• Quickly disillusioned with the medical profession
• No Desk
• No Space to work
• Spent 50-70% of my day talking to insurance companies and filling out forms
• forms come back denied.
• Send out forms again,
• Repeat...
• Crushing paperwork workload, mostly busywork
• 3 months in i'm getting the hang of it and enjoying talking to patients everyday.
• Paperwork is just not getting done.
• getting good at urinalysis, EKG, spirometry and ear lavage.
• First encounter with my Doctor screaming at me in the hallway. 
• What did I do? I didn't do an EKG before she came in for someone having coughing chest pain.  I probably should have, but yelling through the hallway, not a good communication method.
• Okay, she gets one free jerk pass...
• She screams down the hallway at me again. 
• this time because i did an EKG without her ordering it first.
• The guy had non-coughing chest pains.
• I have a heart to heart with my doctor...
• She apologizes, I feel burned.
• It happens a third time.  This time she is waiting outside the patients door while i'm doing vitals, and telling a joke.  Now my routine.
• She lays into me in the hall, with the patients door open... not good, not for me, for the patient or for her.
• I'm so stressed I puke...  School was never this difficult, blood and seizing patients not this difficult.
• I'm shaken about my decision to do this.  Most of the other doctors... no, all of the other doctors are great in this practice.  I start asking the nurses what the best parts of their day is... I don't see happy people, i don't get happy answers.
• I didn't know it at the time, but I decided to stop right then. Stop pursing nursing.
• I'm pissed off most of the time, not happy in my life.
• I start applying to other jobs. Outside the field of nursing.  I do this everyday on my lunch break.  

 March 2011.

• I got hired! (completely different industry) I put in my two weeks.  Gave my doctor a bottle of wine and a thank you card.  
• Say my goodbyes to all the doctors that supported me, and will truly miss some of them.
• All 'i's' are dotted and 't's' are crossed.  
• Start my new job.  Yay, oh shit, but yay...  I have a desk... I have say, I have influence, holy crap my boss is amazing!  Holy crap i really like what i do here.  
• Holy crap, i'm looking forward to going to work everyday.

 July 2011

•  My old doctor sends me hate mail to my personal email account.
• I am happy to no longer work for her!  
• And shaken.. i've never received hate mail from anyone.
• I forward to my old manager...
• I also get a raise!  weehoo!
• Still struggling with my decision not to do Nurse Anesthesia.  I really enjoyed the learning, was really good at it, and was looking forward to working with Doctors without Borders because they had a high CRNA need.  
• I hear from old classmates, they can't get a job in nursing. Newly minted BSN's can't get a job in nursing. 
• I think to myself.  That would have been me.  Unemployed and miserable...

October 2011

• get an email from my old manager, my old Doctor has been let go. 
• I'm kicking ass at work.  
• I am still on the fence about becoming a CRNA... I'm good at it... it's interesting, the money, the vacation.
• I talk to a friend who is a nurse.  She's not happy with her choice, has major back pain from standing all day, looks bedraggled.   I ask for her advice... but just by looking at her, i'm glad to have made this decision. 

December 2011

• Officially decline scholarship and enrollment for the  accelerated BSN.
• My work pays 6k a year for school
• Enroll in my first graduate class in IT.
• Love it.
• Life is good.
• Still miss the idea of being a CRNA. 
• Much happier even though making much less.

May 2012

• All is good.  Difficult but good.
• I'm doing things I love everyday.
• I'm going to keep pushing on.
• My dreams are taking front seat over money, and i'm feeling more alive than i have in a long time.

So i guess i owe a thanks to that jerk doctor.  Without her being and incredibly awful person, i'd still be doing nursing or unemployed, and miserable.  Now i'm building a happier life everyday, and proud of the work i'm doing.

A long time ago i remember reading a horoscope.  You have to decide to either go after your dreams full force, or go for money full force. I didn't decide for a long time, then when the finances really began to hurt, I tried the latter.  It didn't work.  Now i'm going after my dreams.  It's working, and I'm happier.

If you're going after a CRNA, I hope you kick some ass.  Good luck, and keep pushing.  Just make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.

Thanks for reading... that is all.

Struggle to Study

So I seem to be ruminating on all the things that I could do with my life, things I should do with my life, what makes me happy, other jobs i could take, and on... each time I try to sit down and study for my prerequisite courses. Right now i'm avoiding statistics by writing this post.

It has been getting better as more pressure is mounting (it's 4 weeks into the semester and assignments are due) and there is less time to think of all the things I could be doing instead.

The prominent questions that keep coming up, Why nursing and not something else? Are you doing it just for the money? Why not do something you are more passionate about? Now i'm still struggling with these questions, I'm happy they are beginning to take a back seat to my studies.

Apolo Ohno was forced to decide what to do with his life, what to put all your heart and soul into, at 16 in a cabin alone for 8 days. So he decided on skating, and has become great because of it.

And although I don't know what I want to put my heart and soul into, I am working towards continually being a happier person. And going after the CRNA is part of that.

106%

Yay! My first quiz and I got a 106%! Now if I could only get the rest of my classes in action.

I just ordered my books for all the self paced classes I'm taking, (Nutrition, Statistics, and Human Growth) and I'm freaking out a little bit about the amount of work that I will need to do in addition to finding a job, fixing my car, practicing music, spending time with friends and family and volunteering as a ski patroller on the weekends.

I must find a job or I can't eat or go to school, but I'm not sure what to do that I can balance with all this school.

I need to fix my car or be fined by the state of Massachusetts for a faulty EVAP system even though the car runs fine. Or sell it, but I don't have the money to sell it and get another. So that means it needs to go to the shop...

I'm playing in a music group and am practicing once a week. Not much, but when there is a full course load it seems like a lot. I need to keep doing the music to keep a balance, but I feel I need to just focus on school to do well, even though I'd rather play music. And yet I tell myself I'm doing this degree so I have more time to do music and art and whatnot, but worried that by doing the degree all of those things will fall by the wayside and I'll become a boring responsible person.

I need to socialize with friends and family. This is a huge part of what gives meaning to my life, and if school gets in the way of that, I'm not sure if I want to do it.

I would love to be a professional ski patroller... but the pay is dismal even though the work may be fun.

So I should tell myself that if i win the lotto then it will be all good... but this is always bullshit, and even if I had all that money, there still would need to be meaning.

So I'm struggling with why I'm becoming a CRNA. I haven't quite figured out what I'm telling people yet. I say it's for the money, but I know it's a lot more than that. I can't quite put my decipher what i'm feeling about it.

What I think about often is how I wish I could be an Astronomer, or a professional recording artist. But I know this is a fantasy... I just don't know what to believe.

1st day of classes

So it's my first class at Bunker Hill Community College and I'm in Anatomy and Physiology 1. The professor is a medical doctor and a graduate teacher as well, so I'm happy to have an excellent teacher.

It's my first week and I'm already procrastinating on the other three classes I have. Nutrition, Statistics and Human Growth and Development are all self paced classes. So what have I done but let them slide to the end of the week to even begin them. So I really don't yet know what I'm in for in those classes, but my plan is to finish one self paced class each month. And I should probably start with my most difficult class... Statistics.

The first week has brought up some trepidation for becoming a Nurse, still not sure it's the right 'career' for me. But also some excitement when I think about the flexibility of being a nurse, being able to be a travel nurse, working with doctors without borders, and the freedom of becoming a CRNA.

I'm beginning to like the idea of being a Nurse Anesthetist more for a couple of reasons. One, It offers huge flexibility for me... (12 hour days, traveling, MSF); and two, I get to specialize in one small portion of a much larger care. I like the specialization because it'll allow me to become very good at one specific aspect of nursing care, instead of being in a more generalized care role like a Nurse Practitioner.

Next goal: Find a job at a local hospital in Boston.

Beginning the Journey

My name is Chad. I have decided to become a Nurse Anesthetist and want to capture my journey from an unemployed literature major taking nursing prerequisites at a local community college to becoming a fully certified Nurse Anesthetist.

My decision to become a CRNA has now come about easily for me and a number of dreams had to be put on the back burner. But I feel confident that this is a good choice and will continue to move forward as long as it is good for me.

I am becoming a CRNA for these reasons:

1. Job Stability
2. Flexibility in where I can work
3. Being able to help people and see a direct result
4. Working with MSF Doctors Without Borders
5. Travel Nursing

I am beginning my prerequisites for an accelerated BSN program this semester beginning January 25th after being out of college for about 4 years. I am taking:

• Nutrition
• Statistics
• Human Growth and Development
• Anatomy and Physiology 1

And wondering if I should take more on the first semester.